overheard
Me: I really hate you.
Mi: I know you do. The day wouldn't be complete if you didn't.
Me: Thank you for trying to make me feel better.
Mi: I suck at it, but at least I'm sincere.
One night at Kegler's...
Me: "I need someone clean-cut and disease-free."
Ryan: "You're in the wrong place for that."
Later:
Me: "I'm going to keep my options open."
Mi: "And straight, too."
Me: "Huh?"
Mi: "Your away message."
Me: "Eh. I'm trying not to be picky."
"I could win [the argument], but then I would have to truly introduce you to the stereotypical 'Hatfield-McCoy, shooting you over a pig, barefoot and pregnant, ride the four-wheeler to the store' side of me and that's just not something I ever want to bring out." -Brad
Micah: "Let me see if I can upload... 'An error occurred while processing your request.'"
Me: "Yep. That's what I've been getting for the last three days."
Micah: "Huh."
Me: "It's going to be ugly when it does start working."
Micah: "Yeah."
Me: "There will be millions of little ficlets running around."
Micah: "Too bad the document upload doesn't have a 'crap' filter."
"Honestly, if I was meaner and had a better work ethic I would turn into Patrick." -Micah
"You know how on webpages people have FAQs? Frequently Answered Questions? What you need is a FQA -- Frequently Questioned Answers." -My boss. Don't ask.
"I'm going to smack any man I see in the future... Just on the basis that he is male and he owns a penis." -Molly
"I've seen the both of you. You're so not freaks. More like misguided children." -Jon, on me and Mi Young.
Me: I think anyone who writes fights with their characters, because if they don't come alive, what's the point?
Leian: Mine are alive. They're just not doing what they have to do.
Christina: "We're playing two different sports here... You're playing soccer and I'm playing basketball."
Me: "Yeah, but I'm playing two different sports all on my own... I'm playing raquetball with X and soccer with Y!"
Christina: "Yeah, except X doesn't even know he's playing. In fact, he doesn't even have a raquet, and you're beaming birdies at him!"
Me: "I hate raquetball."
Me:
"I got here on my looks."
Sapan:
"Well, at least you didn't get here by sleeping with Bonham."
Me:
"I need to grow a backbone."
Uncle
Gary: "[...] you have one and it has several fused vertabrae. What else do
you need to stiffen it?"
"I'm not scared of what we would do so much as I'm scared of what we wouldn't do, like not going to school, not remembering to sleep, not staying in the country..." -Chiquita
"Remember when we went to the Beanery with Billy? He was so afraid of us." -Chiquita... who later stated that we should never room together because we'd have no friends.
"Let's not be stupid here. It's like not going through a green light because 'there may be some nutcase truck blowing through the red light.'" -Ben, trying to explain how my behavior is idiotic.
Me:
"I had Greek tonight."
Cat:
"Food or a guy?"
Me:
::stunned silence::
Me: "I'm not
a girl. Apparently I'm the only one who's realized this."
Luci:
"Hmm... You kind of lost me in that argument there, but I'll
trust you on it."
Me: "Yeah, I
know you don't like him. He's too nice. How do I fix that?"
Mi: "Have
him meet Dare."
"No one calls her Bean except me. And she calls me Chiquita. I don't know why we call each other these nicknames. She doesn't resemble a legume and I don't resemble a banana. At least I don't think I do..." -Chiquita (known to the rest of the world as Taylor).
"I hate girls. Do you wanna go get that island now? I've got $12 right here. That'll buy some banana seeds and a Brita." -Ben.
"It's like everything except the orgasm." -Nadia, in reference to a movie's ending.
“See, I don’t need a Mexican. I have Gabriel to open the door for me.” -Ioana. This followed a previous conversation in which I’d asked Gabriel to get me coffee, and he refused, saying that he was not a Mexican. My response, of course, was that every girl should have one (a Mexican).
"Don't go cracked on me, chica." -Mi, during Round #2 of trying to find a name we agreed on.
Ben, giving a hypothetical exchange that might
occur today if we'd stayed together...
Ben: "Well,
honey, it's 2 A.M., and I have a presentation to give tomorrow at 8 A.M. What
are you working on?"
Me: "Oh, I
was supposed to do this 120 page dissertation last week, but I decided to start
it tonight."
"I love the fact that if I am up until 5 A.M. doing a paper, you will also be awake." -Ben
Amy: "How do
I make a guy realize that I'm a girl? If I lose anymore clothes, I might die of
frostbite. Plus, it hasn't seemed to work yet."
Alex: "Well,
I've always been a fan of neon lights or large, conspicuously placed
signs..."
Me: "What's
another word for really pale blue? [pause] Never mind."
Mi: "What
did you come up with?"
Me: "Blue."
Mi: "Very original."
"God,
if public safety ever came up here, we'd be in deep shit. We have booze everywhere,
child porn on the walls..." -Marco. At least he's kidding about the kiddie
porn.
"Do you want a grilled cheese, or do you want to be a grilled cheese?" -Frank... Apparently he knows me a little too well.
Me: "I hope when I start school again I don't procrastinate as
badly as Mi."
Micah: "Heh, that would
take a lot of procrastinating."
Me: "Eh, we used to do it
together.. It would be five in the morning and I'd be like, oh, I'd better
start that French paper that's due at ten."
Micah: "Yeah, I'm
*so* your replacement."
Cat: "Okay. Tell me what you feel and I'll help you figure out what to say."
Me: "I feel like I want to kick him in the head. And like I want to tell him not to come at the end of the month."
Cat: "I need more to go on besides violence."
"I imagine Qualm to be 3'6" tall, kinda like hobbits." -Zdravko
chaitrah: I'm going to dig my heart out with a spoon and just mail it to him.
moreta: Fantastic. Let me know how that goes.
::pause::
moreta: Regular mail or FedEx?
Thanks, chica. I appreciate that you're so sensitive to my melodrama. ;
"Knowing you, your parents might have a monkey..." -Ryan
"It was one of the things I remember wanting to ask you last night, but then it disappeared in a haze of alcohol." -Erin. This is the theme quote of the night, as it sums everything that happened up rather neatly.
Me: "Is it just me or do you feel like the friendly neighborhood lush today?"
Erin: "Well, at least we're equal opportunity lushes."
Me: "Where are we going? I live that way..."
Erin: "Not today you don't."
Later...
Me: "Can you explain why we went eight miles out of our way on the interstate?"
Erin: "Because my car has an embedded interstate finder up here under the hood. Any time we're in proclivity to the interstate, it automatically heads in that direction. Also because I was a dumbass."
Bree: "Apparently he was angry that I was using him as a sex object."
Mi: "Illogical statement. My mind can't compute."
"That a guy would actually say, 'You can't just show up here and expect to spend the night'-- the complexity and perversity of that statement is in direct conflict with everything I know to be true in this world." -Erin
My boss: "I need to talk to some of those howler monkeys."
Me (after a short and stunned silence): "What?"
My boss: "Those howler monkeys that were supposed to work on that project for us... I need to talk to them."
Confusion briefly ensues.
Me: "Oh! You mean the [sic] students. Those aren't howler monkeys. Those are poster children."
My boss: "Well, they were certainly howling when we told them what we wanted them to do."
Me: "I still don't think they qualify as howler monkeys..."
My boss: "Howler monkey poster children. Why not?"
As it turns out, one of the poster children is a howler monkey.
In Firenze, while visiting San Lorenzo...
Guy: English? Français? Español? Deutch?
Me: For what?
Guy: Okay, français!
Me: No, no! For what?
Guy: For the guide. Here... this tells you the history and symbology of the different... (rambles for a while).
Me: Yeah, sure. French is fine.
Guy: D'accord. Bienvenue à Saint Laurence! Si vous avez des questions...
I guess the fact that we were talking in English wasn't enough of a clue for him.
Me: "We should make pancakes tomorrow."
Mom: "Are you going to get up early enough?"
Me: "Hell, no!"
Mom: "What's this 'we' shit?"
"Hey, Matt! Wouldn't you like to go frolic on those hills?" - Jared, at the top of his lungs in the middle of the bus ride, unaware that the volume of his headphones was causing him to shout.
"That look was like, 'If I saw you at the a disco, we'd make out.'" -Mimi, when my head did a full 180-degree turn to follow some guy down the hallway.
"Do yourself a favor and pick a gender. It makes things easier." -Mimi, to Juan.
Me: "You should write it in ghetto speak."
Matt: "So I should start it: 'Yo, bitches?' ...Wait, what the hell is this job for again?"
"There are other ways to shut you up, but they are not appropriate in an academic setting." -Gabriel
"Sorry, I'm in development. When development comes in, so do the prostitutes. That's how it goes." -Jamie
"It was a bloody conflict." Laughter ensues. "No, I don't mean bloody in the British sense." -Jamie
"I can't be bothered fighting hostile takeovers in paradise. Too many mixed drinks to enjoy on the beach." - Chiquita.
"Hey, do you want to play a quick game of 'you know you're psycho when...?' Okay, I'll start then. You know you're psycho when you reprimand your boyfriend for eating too many Doritos because you're the one who's going to have to organize his pills [...] when he's 70, and you're the one who's going to have to cut them in half because you'll be living on nothing but your meager social security monthly allowance and having to take half a pill a day to save money." -Tay
Mi: "Boycotting Valentine's day?"
Me: "Not this year."
M: "Hell froze over."
"No, you will not have eighty cats, because then everyone will know you are single. Try for birds." -Katherine, on being single at an old age.
"So it's not the world that needs to change, it's my counting." -Nadia, while trying to convince me that there are eight continents.
"Three days a week I go sit at the house and make sure my children don't kill or fuck each other." -Nick, in response to my question about what he's up to these days. Luckily (I think) they aren't actually *his* children.
"I didn't say it had to be intentional, but if anyone could accidentally take out an entire city... It'd be you." -Nick
"Yeah, there's something sexy about buying in bulk." -Jason, during a discussion on Sam's Club.
"Yeah, raising a small child is a lot of work. I think Taylor's and my relationship has become like that of two parents who meet at a parenting club, exchanging stories, trading advice. So I think if D is milder form of future children to come, then it's going to be a loooooong 18 years until those motherfuckers (my kids) are out of the house." --Alex, on Tay's bf.
Me: "If you hate us all so much, why are you still here?"
Vladimir: "I didn't have the money to go somewhere else."
"It's scary though how after a few months they morph into attractive beings. Like seeing an oasis in the desert, you know? Your mind is so starved for good looking men that your brain lets you see them." -Trish
Me: "I am so incompetent. How did I get into grad school?"
Sapan: "Wow, what a winning attitude!"
"You know how when you walk into a public restroom and the integrity of every stall has been compromised and you have to pick the least disgusting one? That's how I feel about dating." -Trish
"They are suicidal. They want to die a cold, icy death." -Chiquita, the night I was questioning why there are still birds in Syracuse even though there's snow.
Me: "They wanted to know why we're still talking three years later."
Ben: "Because we chat like little girls about nonsense all night long, so that makes us friends."
"Normal. You don't throw that one out there often, do you?" -Kasey
Me: "I need to work on this procrastination thing."
Chiquita: "Maybe, but you can wait till later to get started on that."
Me: "I'm going to go stalk some guys in the apartment building."
Mi: "I'm sure they're scared."
(I need to hang out with less sarcastic people)
Lots of quotes from my friend Erin...
"He thinks he's God's gift. Unfortunately for females everywhere, it appears that he is." -On a friend of ours.
"No, I still maintain it isn't us that's fucked up... Just everyone else." -She's great for my self-esteem. ;-)
"Maybe that is what we should do in real life. Meet a guy, attempt to create a solution to some nagging problem, like, say -- global warming -- make some posters about CFCs and hit the hay. It could work." -During a discussion about trashy romance novels.
"It's like that Lewis Black joke. 'If it hadn't been for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that semester in college.' It's the kind of comment that makes your brain explode if you think about it for more than thirty seconds."
Me: “Hold on. I need to edit the stream of bad words that are forming to describe this bastard.”
Erin: “You? Censorship?”
Greg: “I can’t talk to women if I’m not drunk.”
Ryan: “Yeah, it’s a great substitute for social skills.”
"Yeah, after he was attacking me like a rat on a mountain of cheese..." -Christina, during a conversation on the merits of the Invent-A-Boyfriend.
"Who have I known for thirty-five years? I can't answer that right now. But if I were thirty-five, I'd point to everyone here." -Tim.
"I've never done this before... I went to his apartment; I had to say it in person -- NO." -Christina
"No trying to molest me this week!! I know how you are." -Jeff.
On love/hate relationships...
Me: "He hates me. It's all good."
Ioana: "Does he? On even days?"
Gabriel: "I never know what I'm talking aboot."
Me: "Aboot?!"
Gabriel: ::shrugs:: "We are close to Canada."
“I am not promiscuous, you know. Promiscuity implies that attraction is not necessary.” -Tallulah Bankhead... I love this one.
Me: "Mom, I'm joining a convent. I found one."
Mom: "There's one that will take you????"
"At the rate you're going, you should be able to clean out the continental U.S. and most of Europe by the time you get out of grad school." -Ben. Sometimes I hate my ex.
Me: "I'd like to read your paper when you're done with it."
Sapan: "I'd like to read my paper also... without having to do it."
"If I wanted brainless and reaching a wide audience, I'd go to the bar and pick up a slut." -Ben, on books.
“If he wants a fuck buddy… You aren’t required to be emotional. That’s the deal.” –Christina
Me: “My nails look like shit. I need to get them filled.”
Mi: “How’s that relevant to your paper?”
Me: “Do I have ‘stalker’ tattooed on my forehead?”
Mi: “Quite.”
Me: ::looks disgusted:: “How do I get it off?”
Mi: “Surgery.”
Me: “That’s expensive.”
Mi: “Wear a hat, chica.”
Me: “It’s like the ‘booty call’ one on my ass… They can see it through my clothes.”
Mi: “Then you need to get better clothing.”
"God, I would kill for a steady relationship with someone I didn't want to choke." -Ben
"Yeah, but nobody can take your place." -Jeff... Why aren't most guys this sweet?
Frank: "You're gorgeous, and you can marry me any time you get lonely. How's that?"
Me: "Thanks... I'll keep that in mind. How would your girlfriend feel about that, though?"
Frank: "Eh, if you married me, that'd be you. And then I figure you'd be okay with it."
I guess he missed the part where I was talking about his current gf...
"How was I a bigger whore than you were this weekend?" -My ex. Not sure if I should feel insulted by the implications of this statement...
"It's like this. If I cook a flat piece of dough with tomato sauce, pepperoni, and cheese on it, and I call it soup... It's not soup, it's pizza. It always was pizza, and it always will be pizza. No matter how much I call it soup, it will still be pizza." -Frank, on semantics.
Me: "Benjamin, I love you dearly, you know that?"
Ben: "Don't say that. I'm in danger of feeling like a good person."
"It's hard to spice up nightly threesomes." -Anonymous
“Apparently Bean thought I was dead. And here I was thinking she had snuck back to Spain and was living in some Spanish harem where men were HER bitches. But she’s not.” –Molly, after the frightening away message I left her.
“So for Halloween…. Very effective pushup or implants? Because, wow, Bean.” -Cat
"I miss the fires, too, but they're gone now. You have snow and I have riots where they overturn cars..." -Frank, getting nostalgic about good old WVU.
After dinner and a few drinks...
Ioana: "Oh, how cute! You're a Russian who speaks Spanish!"
Daniel: "And you're a Romanian who's not getting any more vodka."
"There are going to be some couches on fire tonight..." -The ESPN announcer after WVU beat Virginia Tech. How hilarious...
"'Dude' is like chicken pox for me... Had it, now I'm cool." -Alex
Ben: I'm a good cook. I make the best soup. I add a couple more chicken broth cubes and some seasoning salt.
Me: Is there anything else in your soup?
Ben: Whatever else comes in the can.
"It says on the side of the box, 'Cooking instructions.' If you follow those, it's cooking." -Ben, who used to think that cooking meant heating something in the microwave. At least it's progress.
"A muskrat? Good God, girl, what are you talking about?!" -Alex. If you're not Chiquita, you won't get this, but suffice to say, at the time, the voicemail message seemed hilarious.
"Your away messages are very bitter, you need to settle down." -Ben. This is especially funny coming from him.
"What conversation ever begins with, 'Speaking of Hannibal Lecter...?' I'm not sure I want to hear this one." -Erin
"Right. You in bed before 4am... When did hell freeze over?" -Cat
"I am Bulgarian. We do not accept favors. But don't worry... We fix computers for free." -Zdravko, the day after I destroyed some system files, when I offered to take him to Carousel Mall as a thank you for promising to fix it.
Sharona: “How are you?”
Me: “I’m wonderful!”
Sharona: “You’re young. Things will change.”
“When we finally get some good collectors, Kendal, you don’t fucking drown them.” -Sharona, after I threatened Laura for the eight hundredth time one day.
“You know, we try to make you feel as alienated as possible.” -Jonathan, after I yelled at him.
“Your language is a whole something else.” -Tim
"Honey, you need to get a train of thought." -Cat, during a conversation in which I started about fifteen sentences and completed none of them.
“It's all fun and games until you spill the Jager." -Kent, last night, when Adam was trying (unsuccessfully) to pour a shot.
When the waitress busted out some really bad Spanish...
Me: “Con kweso? The look on your face was priceless.”
Tay: “The look on your face was priceless... You looked like you had been deeply offended.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t room together in grad school. We’ll have no friends.” -Chiquita, after lunch with Billy, who spent the two previous hours looking like he was trying to figure out a way to escape... desperately.
Me: “How tall are you again?”
Billy: “6’3”. I have big feet, too. I’d just thought I’d throw that out there.”
“It’s hard to hang out with people sober. You have to be really good friends.” -Chiquita, after lunch with some random people.
Me: "He said, 'You sent back our $20 check! That won't hold up in a court of law!'"
Laura: "Yes, the law has a funny way of not holding up in court."
(According to law, since we're a private collection agency, we don't have to accept anything less than payment in full. He did not send payment in full... on a $25 account.)
Me: "I don't know if I should call him. He used too much tongue."
Shay: "Dude, that could be good for other things."
Patrick: "Will Santa bring presents tomorrow night, too?"
Aunt Ginny: "No, just one night."
Aunt Karen: "This isn't Hanukkah."
On sleeping arrangements...
Me: "I can cram myself into the chair; Ben can cram himself into the loveseat... Oh, but he's taller."
Aunt Ginny: "Hon, I hate to tell you, but there are only two people in the house who aren't."
(Those two people would be my 4- and 5-year- old cousins.)
Me: "Why don't I just get 'stalker' tattooed across my forehead?"
Nick: "Because it would give you away?"
"If there's one thing you've learned from this class, it's that people are whacked." -Dr. Myers, talking about the relationship/communication class.
"Just as a word of advice... If they do suck, you don't want them anyway, because they don't swing your way." -Tommie, our gay waiter at E'n'P the other night, on guys and how much they suck.
Me: "I'm so confused."
Nate: "How is that different from usual?"
"You buy them cologne, you buy them a sweater... You don't buy them a dildo." -Scott, on what to get friends as gifts.
"Pussy is *not* a gross term. It used to mean cat!" -Scott
Greg: "I've never found Adam attractive."
Me: "You've never met him!"
Greg: "I don't think that would change matters much."
"I think I’m getting the misplaced revenge from all of the girls who were wronged once and are now out to make the opposite sex frustrated." -Matt
"I'm going to miss the boys. And the sun. I really like them both." -Kae, on going to a women's college in Virginia. She lives in Cali now.
"I promises funnelcake with corn." -Delaware Mark, trying to translate a French sentence that read, 'he promised that he would do it.' Hey, at least he got one word right.
"I can fall off skates. If there was an Olympic competition for skidding across a rink, arms wheeling, shrieking loudly before crashing gracelessly into the side and sliding onto the floor, I would not so much win gold as win world acclaim." -Ki, on ice skating.
"There's a fundamental difference between dating and screwing." -Mi, during a conversation on guys.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
"I told you WVU doesn't require you to spell your correct name." -Crissy, commenting on the very high and stupid males sitting at the table behind us, who apparently go to school here.
Jon: "Am I a non-friend? I go to the gym, too, you know."
Mi: "You're a non-best friend, yes."
Jon: "That sounds like a contradiction."
Mi: "Why?"
Jon: "I am a non-existent best friend. An imaginary friend. So instead of the usual six-foot bunny, you picture a sorta muscular Jewish kid with a big nose. I think you have problems and need a better imagination."
Mi: "You exist. You're just not my friend."
On going to the gym...
Mi: "Not *that* place?"
Me: "Yeah. *That* place."
Mi: "That's it. We are no longer friends. I can't be friends with someone who goes *there.*"
Later on...
Mi: "We can be non-friends."
Me: "What are 'non-friends?'"
Mi: "People who are friends even though they shouldn't be and aren't. I'm sure you've used that on guys..."
Me: "No, but I might start."
Mi: "You might want to classify them as 'scum' first."
"I'm putting off procrastinating until the weekend. I'm too unmotivated for it to be full blown procrastination." -Benji... ::grin:: Now that's talent...
On a past relationship:
Nichole: "And we were engaged..."
Scott: "Why were you engaged?"
N: "You know, that's another question."
"The problem with being a Baptist is that you have to get married before you have sex, so *that's* a big hassle." -some guy in my comm class
On GC's song, Boys and Girls (more specifically, the line that says, "Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money”)...
Me: "A lot of girls are like that, though..."
Cat: "Yeah, and we went to high school with most of them."
On behaving...
Me: "Boag, I need to be tethered to a bed or a chair that's bolted to the floor."
Cat: "I don't think being tethered to a bed is a very good idea..."
“No one should be at the rec center for four hours and fifty-three minutes. That's your public service announcement for today." -Chiquita
"Felix acts like the damn thing is the biggest threat to my living room that he’s ever seen." -Molly, on her new cats and their toy that resembles a fake, dead mouse -- complete with x's over their eyes. ;-)
"I've got the Polish libido, which just means it's big and fat." -Anonymous, talking about a significant other.
Shay: "I was not a good girl today."
Everyone in the office: "What...?"
Shay (grins): "My ex, ex, ex boyfriend from like tenth grade."
In Spanish, after the prof made us pick people for group projects....
Lee: Do you want to work with us, Becka?
Me: I don't want to *do* it.
Mary: Well, are you going to do it?
Me: Um... No.
Matt: Simple as that, huh?
"You know you're in West Virginia when the band has a shotgun." -Laura, during a parade, where all we could hear was the Mountaineer getting a little trigger happy.
"I freaking hate you... Do you realize that every time you have an obsession you pass it around like a disease?!" -Cat
"Always choose out of state males. There's always a level of intrigue about them... Until you visit their home and realize that their Walmart is no cooler than yours." -Chiquita, on dating men out of state.
"I miss the beach. Though I repaired a lot of fluoride filters, and those have sand and water in them, too... It wasn't quite the same." -Ben, when I told him about the beach in Mexico.
When trying to figure out how to tell someone what I felt about something...
Me: “Why is honesty not always the best policy?”
Mi Young: “Because people are pricks.”
“I'll alert the National Guard." -One of Nick's ever creative responses to my away message of "misbehaving," as if I'd ever actually misbehave.
"I looked at the menu and suddenly felt like Becka... I couldn't decide on anything." -Erin at E'n'P tonight, because I never know what I want and usually have to have the waiter choose for me.
After Eric said I annoyed him -- mostly because I talk too much -- the first time I met him...
Me: Do I still annoy you?
Eric: No, you grew on me a little bit...
Erin: Like a flesh-eating virus.
God, I love my friends. They so heighten my self-esteem.
Me: "I had an awesome weekend."
Shay: "What did you do? {pause} Wait. *Who* did you do?"
My co-workers have such faith in me... Is it that hard to believe that I'd behave? Eh... I know the quote makes me sound like a slut, but that amuses me since I've been so damned *good*.
"Yes, whoever said diamonds were a girl's best friend obviously forgot about the 3 inch pumps." -Kae, during a conversation about being short and tall guys.
Me: I'm boycotting relationships. I'm becoming a nun.
Erin: You can't do that! You're not even a good Catholic!
"I just want to be a college town slumlord." -Erin. After listening to Tim describing Travis' house for over an hour last night, this is far funnier than it should be.
"I have a crush on our gay waiter... Oh, wait, he's not ours." -On the good-looking waiter who helped wait on us anyway (even though we weren't in his section) and frequently stopped by to chat. Too bad it wasn't us he was checking out.
On large farm animals...
Me: "What do you mean, 'acclimated?'"
Crissy: "I touch it's head; I don't freak out. I'm acclimated."
Me: I'm trying to talk myself out of wanting a boy.
Frank: Hmmm. Well, boys lie. They suck. :-)
Me: It's a particular boy.
Frank: See above.
"Girlfriends and boyfriends are essentially just obstacles; they are *not* permanent." -Matt
Mi Young: Chica, ignore him.
Me: Now you have to back that up. Preferably with sound reasoning, but I'll take what I can get at this point.
Mi Young: He was drunk. He was babbling.
Me: ::sigh:: Right. Well, fuck me.
Mi Young: Tell him that. I'm sure he'd be delighted.
"It's rare, but there have been documented instances when guys say things with other intentions besides getting ass. For example, sometimes they want food. Or beer." - Chiquita
"I have concluded that I cannot carry on a conversation with the opposite sex unless it's about school, business, or food." -Mi, who I am inclined to agree with at this point.
"You are always honest, but you change your thoughts so much that your honesty is almost irrelevant." -Benji, on me. I'm not sure whether to be flattered or insulted. ;-)
"I'm going to consider away messages that say "Misbehaving" and don't change after a certain number of hours to be a sign that you're somewhere waiting for bail money." -Nick... Isn't it nice to know my friends have such faith in me?
Chiquita's reaction to my "taking Jen to the airport" all weekend (though in reality I just forgot to change my away message)...
Friday 2:15 p.m.: you take her to the airport alot
Friday 8:42 p.m: where the hell is this airport? dallas?
Saturday 12:36 p.m.: is the airport in alaska? you would have made it to dallas by now
kesi643: mississippi has a gulf
Moreta12: I'll throw myself in
kesi643: oh, that's encouraging
Moreta12: isn't it?
Moreta12: I'm copying your glorious example [of being melodramatic]
On my away message about things I hate...
taydiggs402: you also hate winter quarter, finding a job in journalism, and the fact that hot Oscar is 29
Mokey0304: I think you forgot to mention February
Troya821: I think you should mention Valentine's Day for me... Okay?
Paradox: Self-absorbed assholes?
Quotes from Work...
"If I paid back every doctor I saw and every surgery I had, I'd be in debt."
Me: "Sir, you're already in debt."
And from Theater Chris...
"You wanna get addicted? Snood... It's electronic crack!"
Me: “I used to want to be a pamplemousse, but now I think I want to be a mouton.”
Shay: “What *is* that?”
Me: “A sheep.”
Sharon: “You know, those country boys screw them sheep.”
"What would I rather do: die of an STD or die in a plane crash? I think I'd rather die of an STD because then at least I know I got some action." -Randi
"I think that this week, I will have to use the phrase: 'Boag, I've really got to bust it out,' in relation to a guy. If nothing else, I will feel empowered... before I sound like an idiot." -Chiquita
"... and last time i checked, stealing bubble bath was not on the list of sexual misconduct." - Randi, on Elmo.
"Guys suck and I hate them all... Except the ones I don't hate." -Chiquita
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Randi: "I'm an angel."
Me: "Oh, yeah, by the way, I dropped your halo off at the repair shop."
Randi: "Are my wings still taped together? I can't see."
In case you were curious, yes, we are freaks.
"Becka, I really think that if you and Sharon tried, you could talk someone into giving you their house." -Shay (my supervisor), on me and my co-worker, because we keep talking scads of people into paying us with a check by phone instead of sending it in the mail.
Me: "You see five of me??"
Randi: "No, I see like one and a half, but it varies."
"It's kind of like tan -- sober, drunk, drunk, drunk -- asymptote." -Rich, while trying to explain why he wasn't more drunk, even though he kept drinking.
On the Collective and their stories…
kesi643: i think you should mail her and ask for your own special copy of all of them
Moreta12: ::looks revolted:: how about asking for a rope?